6 o'clock CAH
by Soumita
Summary: Hilary, 6 o'clock, barbeque and CAH. That doesn't look like a healthy combination,does it? Will Tyson's destiny be a barbeque grill? Or will CAH change his inevitable end? Read along to find out what happens at the Bladebreaker's 'Cards Against Humanity' blast day.
1. The 80 decibel morning alarm

**Title**

 **6 O'CLOCK CAH.**

 **Summary**

Hilary, 6 o'clock, barbeque and CAH. That doesn't look like a healthy combination,does it? Will Tyson's destiny be a barbeque grill? Or will CAH change his inevitable end?

Read along to find out what happens at the Bladebreaker's 'Cards Against Humanity' blast day.

 **Author's note**

I've kept the chapters short, mostly around 600 words. One or at most two scenes per update. The story is written from Hilary's perspective, much like a mental diary entry. There'll be an update once every 2 days. And oh, in case this format looks familiar, I nicked it form the one used in Hero's last cry.

I hope you'll enjoy it. :)

 **Disclaimer**

I don't own Beyblade or any other thing you may recognise.

* * *

 **Chapter 01**

The 80 decibel morning alarm.

" **HI-LAR-Y!** "

Trust me, an 80 decibel scream like that, first thing at 6 in morning is sure to shake up your insides, and when the owner of the voice is who I think it is, it doesn't just shake but rattles your system. I'm actually expecting my brain to be near the small intestine and the liver near my thyroid gland the next time I get an Ultrasound done.

I woke up with a jolt.

"Whasamarrer?"

Craning, found it's Tyson standing near my bed.

I sat upright.

"WHAT HAPPENED TYSON?"

My mind quickly flitted across a list of possible reasons behind Tyson's early morning fiasco. Probably they had burnt down the kitchen again. Ray's infamous pancake experiment is still fresh and clear. Or... maybe grandpa has been been feeling up for early morning kendo lessons. Yeeps. That's trouble. Or wait...perhaps someone dared poor Tyson to go and cut off a lock of Kai's hair and now Tyson's next hour may very well be spent tied to a barbeque grill at high temperature, slowly burning to death?

Ah! Tempting as it is, but good for Tyson, we don't really have a barbeque.

Little did I know that the rest of the morning, I'd have traded anything for a Tyson exclusive barbeque.

"Um...Hilary. I just wanted to wake you early for our Cards against Humanity blast. Don't you remember, its our CAH bash day!"

...

...

...

...

Yes my friends, Tyson bloody asshole Granger had woke me up at 6 in the morning for a game, not to mention with a blood curling 80 decibel scream. I just don't know how many exclamatory marks I need right now.

" You don't look thankful about it? I just did you a great service, you can't be late for CAH today and besides morning air will do you some good. " he continues with the light of a treasure hunter in his eyes.

Trust Tyson, to make something as bland as CAH, sound like an amazonian treasure quest.

Anyway back in scene, let's just say, anything that I was about to do to him, just got a thousand times nastier.

TO THE HELL WITH MORNING AIR! I've been up till 3 every night for the past 7 days, this is the first time this week I'm getting some sleep and this...this dunderhead...and of all people, Tyson lectures me about being a morning person! Tyson! The one who himself has probably never seen the sun in the east, let alone rising!

I'm SO going to kill you, Tyson. You shake me up at 6 to play some stupid shit against humanity! How dare you...

I think, I must've said that line out loud, cause the next thing I knew, he was darting across the room fast, fast enough to shame Usain Bolt. He's pretty agile, I noticed, but that must be because he knows, staying within a 10 meter radius of me when I'm the definition of furious can be fatally harmful. I was out of the bed in a jump, but alas. Talk of satan, the nitwit slipped through my hands.

* * *

And that's why I'm now standing in the middle of the bedroom, my face burning purple with all the bolted rage and my mind plotting a thousand ways to murder, Assassinate, ANNIHILATE, **DESTRUCT** Tyson!

That pathetic excuse of a human! Woke me up at 6 AM for a..for a bloody game! Shit against humanity...Shit befell you Tyson! That bastar...

Wait. There's some shuffling near the room. Who's it this time! I swear if it's another of those boys coming to wake me up for that game, I'll...

"Uh um..Hils it's _Cards_ against humanity, not shit against humanity. You really should work on you gaming knowledge." The voice near the door said.

 **TYSONNNNNNNNN!**


	2. Harvardian CAH?

**Author's Note**

I've been trying to rediscover some humor in my writing. The result was this story, the inspiration hit behind '6 o'clock CAH' is most unusual though. I hope this brings a smile on your face. :)

 **Disclaimer**

I don't own Beyblade or anything else recognisable.

 ** _A great big'Thank You' and a even bigger hug to reviewers, Aguila Tempestas, Droplets of Blue rain and Indigo Jupiter. You guys got me grinning at one in night!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 02**

Harvardian CAH?

l've been looking for Tyson all over. Got scores to settle, but he's no where to be seen.

Wonder if he got inspired by the panda they've been showing on Man vs Wild and went into an untimely hibernation. When its Tyson, you can never be too sure of anything.

Solace for my troubled soul,I'll see him at breakfast. Get ready for some beating, you pig!

* * *

Okay.

I didn't beat the pulp out of him at breakfast.

Not because I was hit by a sudden blow of mercy or anything, but simply cause he _wasn't_ there. Yes, brace yourselves for the amazing fact of the century, _Tyson Granger_ wasn't there at breakfast. None of the boys were though. Tyson's madness syndrome suddenly got communicative and infected them all or what!

I sat at the table picking the poach. Second by second, my thirst to avenge the barbaric wrong done on me added on. No, I'm not exaggerating, waking a sleep derived damsel at 6 o'clock _is_ barbaric!

I must've been unconsciously going over plans to kill him with a fork, and subsequently rehearsed them on the poach, cause the next moment someone said,

"Whoa, call the cops, she is murdering an innocent poach!" A hasty chuckle from 'the someone' followed.

Don't get your hopes high...

*sniff-sniff* unfortunately, that someone was Ray, not the felon Tyson.

 _Really god! What wrong have I ever done, why are you crippling my noble plans to murder him?!_

Ray entered the room with Max and Kenny in tow. Kai joined them seconds later.

Trust me, I made sure they all know what ' _narrowed eyes'_ means.

After I was done my my eye narrowing trial, I went,

"Where were you all? What happened to breakfast?" I was breezy but that doesn't mean it didn't take me a lot of effort to keep that breeze from turning into a storm.

A pensive silence...

"We um...had, or rather were forced to have our breakfast a little early...We wanted to wait for you, but were forced..."

"And the hidden subject in your sentence is...?"

I knew, they knew that I knew it was Tyson.

Ray seemed to do all the talking, poor boy he looked ruffled.

" He says the... 'CAH blast' as he calls it, can't be kept waiting. He's out to buy some stuff for the...you know cards against..."

"...HUMANITY! _CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY._ " shouts a sickly cheerful, chart paper roll bearing voice from the door. Someone who doesn't know what CAH is, would've thought it's something about saving the entire humanity from a Zombie Apocalypse.

Yeah that's 100 % unexaggerated, I don't think even Neil Amrstrong was this exuberant when he took his first step on moon.

Do I even need to name the owner of the voice? How can someone have that much a degree in imbecility!? Did he really attend something like Harvard's course for topnotch idiocy or what!

Honestly, I wonder how they, or at least Kai hasn't gone for a human sized barbeque grill yet. Okay, maybe Tyson _wasn't_ involved in a hazardous dare of cutting his hair lock, but still, what he's doing right now is just as outrageous. I didn't realize that I'd been wondering aloud, until Kai growled,

"I won't do the actual killing, my services are always there to help hide the body though."

 _ **ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH**! **I'D SO STRANGLE TYSON RIGHT NOW...**_

...

...

oh wait, I certainly am not strangling anyone until I know what _chart paper_ rolls have to do with CAH. Chart paper is certainly not CAH stuff as far as I know...

Harvard's course for topnotch idiocy teaches innovative CAH techniques too? Harvardian CAH hmm...


	3. I love humanity more than I hate jail

**Author's Note**

I'm a bit late, sorry. Was away on a vacation, hence the delay. Now that I'm back, all tanned and fresh, the update's schedule is back to normal. :D

 **Disclaimer**

I don't own Beyblade or anything else recognisable.

 _ **Thanks a lot to Indigo Jupiter, Droplets of blue rain , Lightningblade49 and Abhilasha for their reviews. Trust me, those few words from you are priceless.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 03**

"I love humanity more than I hate jail."

Yes. It's true.

They really, really, _really_ must teach innovative CAH techniques at Harvard's. There's no other way he,even after being a nobel prize winner in imbecility could've devised that. He set a new bench mark in Craziness.

I mean, which person goes out at 6:30 in the morning, not to mention after waking up everyone in the household (including ME!), and cause of it being 6:30, a time when shopkeepers are not likely to be there to serve his sudden lunacy fit, goes for a 5 km long drive to the 24X7 'what not' store to buy...

... _chart paper,_ cause it, according to him, is a super necessary requisite for DIY Cards against humanity.

Did that make sense? Well, I'll explain, that's what happens when someone with a seriously mangled brain, and someone who gives a whole new dimension to words like 'stupid' gets super excited about Cards against humanity, in this case, DIY Cards against humanity.

He wants us, to cut the chart roll into ten cards for each, write our own white cards from wild imagination, and that'll be our " _innovative, new age CAH, which'll help us to self actualise and explore our own hidden humor and side by side will instill in us a sense of self dependency."_

Huh...

Tyson, where were you when god was distributing practicality and intellect? I think I worked out what happened. You must've slept in on the intellect distribution day and then to make up for it went on to be the first one the next day- Craziness distribution day.

Why doesn't god let me kill him? A Tyson free world...a dream come true. It's so utopian. I can only dream of it, it'll be a paradise...

What? Don't smirk. Killing him would one of the greatest services ever done to humanity. I'm not even worried about jail, I'm willing to sacrifice my life for the greater good of humanity. So heroic, aren't I?

I don't understand why Kai hasn't ordered a barbeque yet. Pardon, but I'm a little too obsessed with the barbequean method of serving the humanity. I once read it somewhere in a Japanese folklore and have been eager about it ever since. And besides, its the last few minutes of Flipkart's mega sale hour right now, 60 % off on kitchen appliances!

A perfect time to go, get a barbeque on discount and do the ultimate good to mankind.

*sighs*

Oh well. He's handing out scissors to the four of us.

ARGHH...Tyson's inviting his own death. The bastard knows I can't use scissors properly, my supposed rectangular cutouts would end up looking like diagrams from the 'Irregular quadrilaterals' chapter.

Here goes Ray's, Kai's , Kenny already has one in his 'every purpose kit', Max snatched his and wants to exchange it with Kai's cause he wants the one with sky blue handles...

Um...What now? Why doesn't he hand me my scissors? I know they aren't my best buddies, but I'd need them for this stupid DIY shit against humanity! Argh...I'm trying so hard not to make these the last seconds of his life.

Those who just raised their eyebrows, asking why I'm trying hard _not_ to make these the last seconds of his life, sorry folks, but the Flipkart mega sale hour just ended seconds ago and I'm not buying a barbeque grill at its original price of ₹ 6000, just to kill Tyson.

Nah. Not even when it comes to doing the greatest good to humankind and a Tyson free world. And for those, prompting ways to kill him _without_ a barbeque...well don't question my love for mankind, but I guess I hate jail more than I love humanity.

Whaaaaat! Tyson snatched my portion of chart too! Look, I'm not at all eager for this hell of a game, but it's clear that I _have_ to play it, and I need that roll of chart of it!

I guess it won't be long, before I love humanity _more_ than I hate jail.


	4. And hence we start!

**Author's Note**

Ironical, that I had to go on a writing break, just after I promised that the update schedule would be back to normal. I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting, but the remaining two chapters, took up a lot of time, and I, like the stubbornest girl you've ever seen refused to update any more chapters before I had the whole of this written. Although, my update's table is disrupted pretty bad, still, on a brighter note it's a relief to get it done. Let's say, even after being stuck on the same chapter for three days, I'm quite happy with the results.

Also, as a second note, the original draft of this chapter was a 2000 + words one, later I split it up in two to maintain the consistency of length and the number of scenes per chapter. So, this update is a little on the shorter side, the next chapter hopefully is better, both quantity and quality wise.

 **Disclaimer**

I don't own Beyblade or anything else recognisable.

 ** _What is the biggest, cheeriest, most grateful, most heartfelt 'Thank you' you've ever heard? This one. A huge thanks to Lightningblade49, Droplets of blue rain, Indigo Jupiter, Saiyan Phoenix, Little A Granger and Sri Kungfon for reviewing. Those reviews are love._**

* * *

 **Chapter 04**

And hence, we start!

Um..uh..

I really don't know how to say this, but I _still_ hate jail more than I love humanity.

The thing is...Tyson wasn't snatching my portion of requisites to annoy me or anything, he um...weird as it sounds...wanted to _help me_. Says, he knows that I'm terrible with scissors and he'd like all the white cards properly rectangular. Oh well...even if he did that for the game, but still Thanks.

I said "Thanks" _aloud_ , see I'm polite, unlike the Sleep killing, cold-hearted bastard. What did you think, I'd do away with my manners just because of that guy...Never.

Anyway, the game starts anytime now! I'm excite..

Good lord! Can't believe I nearly said that. Really, _I_ enjoying _Tyson's_ game. Like that's gonna happen ever in a thousand years, but still I think something pretty similar is happening right now, this idea of CAH sounds good, but I don't like it...but then why should I find it good! I mean finding anything good about Tyson is an atrocious, outrageous insult to honest judgement!...

Okay, *deep breathe*

I'm not at all expecting to enjoy this game, its _Tyson_ after all, but all this infectious enthu about it must've inculcated that fake excitement in my brain. So you see now, my ' _brain_ ' is excited about it, _I'm_ not. My ' _brain_ ' thinks its good, but _I_ do not.

I hope, I'm safe from humanity's accusing glares now.

Alright, so we are now being handed out the blank cut outs, ten for each, and we've got ten minutes to write the cards from our wildest imagination! My cards are in a good shape, thanks to Tyson. ( Justification: I'm just being polite)

Sounds good! Relax brow raisers, its my _brain_ speaking again.

But the black cards? What about those?

Oh there they are. Who wrote those by the way? It'd be cheating if Tyson...

" Well guys, Gramps had to write the black cards. I would've asked Midori, but I didn't get to see her, so you see, I had to go to Gramps, and in case you've been wondering, no I didn't so much so as _think_ of reading them beforehand, I don't cheat you know." Tyson says as if on cue.

Is this what they call telepathy? Good thing by the way, I didn't have to ask, must've looked like I was interested in this mumbo-jumbo. Of course, I'm NOT a tad bit interested in this stupid shit against humanity,my disobedient, despisable brain is.

Wait...Grandpa wrote the black cards... _Grandpa_? Are we playing 'Kendo Against Humanity' then?

Never mind, YAY! The game starts! Again, its my brain and mouth collaborating without my permission and saying all that, I as in the real me, is innocent and not at all eager about it.

So, time starts now ! As you might be already knowing, its my brain which added the '!' mark, I'd have gone with a (-_-) emoji.


End file.
